1 post tagged “frustration”

Before school started today I had at least three students from another homeroom come and ask me to help them with another teacher's project that's due today. That teacher is infamous for beating students--something that, despite my persistent classroom management issues, lack of academic cooperation from students, and encouragement by colleagues/parents, I have still not been able to bring myself to do. Philosophically, I am opposed to it now and in the foreseeable future. It deals with monopolies of violence, state-sanctioned violence on poor folk, adult-to-child violence, etc....

Anyway, these students that came into my class today were all worked up over the project that they had to turn in for that teacher. It may be that that project is worth an immense portion of their final grade (I believe in the past I've heard students say that not turning in each major project of that teacher's will ensure your failure of his class--not to mention it will get you beat severely) but I think that that's secondary to the beating. That's that teacher's calling card. Other teachers use this sort of force to get their students to complete work and behave how the teacher wants but, again, these are things that I'm finding myself increasingly opposed to philosophically AND practically.

Thus, my students don't fear me very much ---> thus, they don't fear not doing my work ---> thus, they often don't do my work ---> thus, many students fail many assignments and my class

So this big Black History Month report that I gave my students over a month ago (January 23rd)...that's worth 500 points (a quiz grade AND a test grade combined)...that we've been going to the library every Friday to work on...did not go down like I wanted. Submissions? Fifth period: eight out of 24 students. Sixth period: nine out of 17 students. Seventh period: seven out of 25 students. I was wishfully thinking that 70% of my students would turn in these reports but I guess not. Additionally, of the fraction of students that turned in their reports about a quarter of them received zeros for plagiarism or not doing it themselves (which they'll vehemently deny). For instance, our basketball star got his girlfriend, who takes me for world history another period, to do his report. It's obvious. Disrespectfully so. If she didn't, there would have been myriad other females in the wings to do his report. He thinks I still can't figure out these things.... Another 50% of my students submitted reports which had major omissions (i.e. no bibliography or missing answers to the five questions I specifically told them to answer) or which were filled with biographic information I didn't ask for. Sigh....

During a month when Black history should be celebrated I feel particularly bad about giving a large group of Black students such poor grades. To some extent, it's not really their fault that they're in 8th, 9th, and 10th (one even in 12th) grade and don't know how to:

* Conduct original research.
* Read a passage and extract important/pertinent information.
* Write in complete sentences/with correct grammar/consistently punctuate/avoid filler language (i.e. using something like "and that's why I think ____ should be studied for Black History Month" as an end sentence to obtain the proper paragraph length--four to six sentences in my classes).
* Write for school (formally) in a different mode than how they converse with friends (informally).
* Prepare a bibliography.
* Ask for help when needed.
* Pace themselves and their work so that assignments are turned in on time.
* Double-space.
* Etc.....

What's interesting to note is that I don't think I have all of these skills mastered either. Certainly, certain profs from Ole Miss and Harvard will say that I don't.

I'm just flabbergasted and, like many first-years, feeling like cutting my losses and just leaving. Humphreys County, the Delta, Mississippi, the program...I dunno...just leaving. Too much work and stress and effort for too little visible progress. What I'm doing here is trying to force a square peg into a round hole (or however that saying goes). It's not happening. I'm trying to force a sort of appreciation for education and intellectual stimulation on a community that could care less. Students, parents, admins, colleagues alike...many could care less. Today I missed maybe my 15th or so day of the school year with another relatively lame excuse. It was just another one of those days when I could not bring myself to face the realities of the academic and social environment that I work in. I was also very tired from the night before and still nursing a cold. I slept in. I only got up to check other job opportunities in Mississippi. ASAP.

Prior to coming to MTC (and even while I've been here) family and friends of mine outside of Mississippi have warned me about the public servant martyrdom syndrome that they feel might have infected me at some point during college. I now wonder if they're right or not as I try to keep pushing feeling like I'm probably doing more damage to myself than good to students. It goes without saying that this is NOT what I wanted.