Chimaobi’s Neighborhood

This reminds me of the "We are the Fighting Irish" ads they play during ND football games.  Danielle Hall, Notre Dame and MTC alum, is featured in this recruitment/information video about the Mississippi Teacher Corps:

            I’m not really sure how to sum up my experiences in the classroom thus far. I guess most importantly I am still here, which is an accomplishment in itself. I find teaching to be an overwhelmingly demanding job, not just professionally, but emotionally.

             I didn’t want to go to work this morning. My alarm went off at 5:45 a.m. , snooze, 6:00 a.m , snooze and then I just laid there for 30 minutes debating whether or not to show up for work.  My cheerleading squad of 11 decided to unanimously quit the team yesterday, as if to punish me for trying to instill some sense of discipline in them. It hurt; it was a slap in the face. In the shower, I made a compromise with myself, I would go to work 20 minutes late, but cancel cheerleading.

            I was talking to my good (TFA) friend, and we were trying to identify the type of relationship we have with our students. It’s an awkwardly fluid dynamic in my classroom. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I love them (some of them I do), but despite how they mistreat me and sabotage their own education, I still care. I’ve come to see right through their anger, frustration, and insecurities.  I’ve learned to detach myself from their misbehavior. That’s probably why the whole cheerleading incident was so upsetting, because for the first time in a long time, I had allowed my students to manipulate my emotions.

            My students know more about my life day to day than my very own mother who gave me life itself.  They know when I’m in a bad mood, in a good mood, when I get a new pair of shoes, when I straighten my hair, when I don’t straighten my hair and so on. Moreover, they’re keen to point it out. Likewise, I know when their frustrated, motivated, going through a breakup, recovering from the flu, etc. I keep my observations to myself however.

            In terms of this course, I think Dr. Monroe is a very encouraging and positive instructor, and I did enjoy the discussions in her class. I appreciate her humility and her willingness to negotiate our unique teaching experiences with her expertise.  

Even in my second year, 'successful' is not an adjective that I would use to describe my teaching practice. 'Effective' is the more contextually appropriate word, but neither can this be absolutely claimed. Teaching continues to be trying, strengthening, humbling, often rewarding, but 'successful' is something that it is not.   For this reason, I look for the measurable gains in my individual students reading and writing ability in order to glimpse even the smallest semblance of success.  

In the interest of privacy, I'll call my student Mariah.  I received Mariah as a 15 year old 7th grade student who been absent for over a month of school the previous year during which time she was reported as a 'missing child'  for having allegedly ran off with an older man.  While, I am always of the belief that it is best to dismiss a student's past behavior history and receive them with new hope and new expectations it is more often than not that the student isn't far removed from their past which moreover informs the present, the student standing right there in front of you today.  When Mariah would verbally and  physically ( attempt to grab my hair) without any reservation or thought as to what might be the consequences, I realized that she had been shoved face to face with the crudeness of life and in comparsion, I was of no consequence whatsoever.

Although I consistently documented her behavior, administered her consequences, contacted her mother, and followed every other established protocol for following this behavior- I will not pretend to be at all responsible for her eventual turn-around.  Rarely, does a student wake up one day, have an epiphany, and commit to changing their ways. This , however, is exactly how it seemed to happen to Mariah.  It was the week of her birthday that I remember this sudden change in disposition, work habits, social interaction, ect.  Perhaps, the sobering anticipation of her turning 16 inspired this change, but whatever it was, the moment that I noticed even her most subtle effort to comply and respect, I acknowledged it, thank her, and indirectly prompted her to reflect on the difference between her current and former behavior.  The day of Mariah's birthday, I handed her a birthday/ thank you card that specifically acknowledged what I had noticed, what I had always believed she was capable of, and my conviction of how she would continue to succeed in the future.  Mariah received this not with the timid embarrassment of most students who are  acknowledged for doing the 'right thing', but with glowing pride.   From that day forward, she continued to be a model student and channel her aggression, defensiveness, and hurt into the stimulus for emotion-filled, poignant free-writing. It gets even better...

Mariah loves to write, and she loves being complimented on her writing even more. This was not mere flattery, however, as I reserved my praise for those pieces that were truly exemplary.  There was one poem, in particular, that was truly captivating and I truly believed that if entered in a contest or literary magazine, would be published. Jade was ecstatic at even the possibility of entering the contest and agreed to continue working with me to get it ready for publishing.  The next few afternoons that we spent together, exchanging both verbal and written words, serve as one of the highlights of this past year, and moreover my lifetime.  This in and of itself would have been a success, but it gets better... I mailed in her poem that Friday and three weeks later we were informed that Mariah received an honorble mention and a spot in the next issue!  It didn't matter that she didn't 'win,'  receive any monetary award, or even place.  The mere mention of her name and presentation of her poem in a magazine was enought to leave Mariah with an unabated glow that painted her face for the next three weeks.  This in and of itself was infinitely rewarding so that when Mariah's guardian-(aunt) came to personally thank me- it was no longer conceivable as to how I should be thanked, becuase truly, this was my privilege for which I have the utmost gratitude.

In my post on my goals for the year, I wrote that I had had a major wake-up call about my total lack of work-life balance when I missed the season premiere of The Office. At the time, I thought that would be my rock bottom.

The other night, I found some of my classroom tickets in my bed. That was worse. As my kids would say, isn't that, like, a metaphor or something?

In all seriousness, though, I don't have much to say about the teaching. It's still up and down. My room continues to be a jungle. (No A/C, but the heat works like a CHARM. Thanks, JPS.) The pressure is tough. I worry every day that I'm not giving my kids the best preparation for the monster of a test they will take April 29th. Some kids make me smile just thinking about them; some kids, I pray every day that I'll see their names on the suspension list. My classroom is often far messier than it should be, I've seriously slacked on parent phone calls in the last month or so, and I am far too sarcastic with my kids. I could go on, but that would just be depressing. And really, I've written about this before. Failure! It's everywhere. If I've learned anything about myself in the last few months, it's that I can fail every single day and still get up the next morning.

I've also realized that the best way to keep myself happy in the classroom is to do something with my kids that I find fun. Hence the lesson plans on books I'm reading. And sets: I always do a set, and it's usually good. It's my one consistent strength, and I do it because it makes my life a whole lot easier when I'm having fun. And of course, English II Olympics--after a particularly exhausting week of direct instruction, I tricked my kids into working independently for 100 minutes by running into the room with sweatbands on, blasting Eye of the Tiger from my computer, and telling them their pop quiz was cancelled and they would be competing against one another in six events (reading comp, grammar, etc). I chose three "judges" and they did all the grading and scoring for me. All I had to do was walk around and monitor. The kids saw the Slinkies in the prize bag and were more motivated than I've ever seen them. I had kids who never do work actually working after the bell. Best 70 bucks I ever spent.

Teaching stuff aside, what I really want to say is this: HEY! I HAVE (ALMOST) MADE IT TO CHRISTMAS AND I'M NOT DEAD YET! Things that helped me get through the past few months:

First, the small things--and by that, I mean food. In particular, tuna, Saturday morning pancakes, and take-out from Sal and Mookie's. And as my kids tell me, "Ms. Patterson, you be eating chocolate AGAIN?"

Second, planning-period lunches with Ms. Seip, and general fun with my awesome roommate and the Jackson boys (Dan, there is no one with whom I would rather make a left turn on red/clean up boric acid/huddle in front of a space heater).

Third, my fifth block. By far my most intelligent and well-behaved class, this is the group of kids that gets me through every other class. I can always count on them to be fun and just get it. I know it's kind of unfair to say this, but this is the class that serves as a glimpse of what teaching real English might be like.

On a more serious note: everyone tries to warn you how overwhelmed and stressed-out you feel in the first few months of teaching. Now, I can't speak for everyone, but YES. I went through weeks where I could barely sleep. The two things that are slowly helping me to avoid that terrible racing-heart feeling late at night are exercise and reading before bed. I've surprised myself by reading for fun more than I have since high school.

Still, the biggest surprise has not been the kids, the administration, or the fact that it is currently snowing outside. When school first started, I was so freaked out and desperate for comfort that I thought mental salvation lay in escapes to "the North"--whether that was phone calls to friends, the studied avoidance of the word "y'all," or, bizarrely, dinner at Olive Garden. Then one weekend I happened to pick up a few Mississippi-related books in Oxford. I was expecting to avoid them (or hate them) as part of my general desire to deny that this was all really happening to me. To my surprise, what I found as I made my way through them is that they made me feel more at home, both here in this state and in this new life in general. I'm not saying I didn't cry when I came back the first time after leaving (I did), or that I'm never frustrated by the often exaggerated but nevertheless appalling lack of efficiency down here (to Regions Bank: THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN IN THE NORTH). Still, it's calming to embrace this experience in all its craziness. Mississippi is indeed a sticky place, and I'm finding that I'm far happier here when I'm not spending my time frantically trying to rub off its many eccentricities.

One last thought before the holidays, for my fellow first-years:

 http://www.20x200.com/art/2009/03/untitled-we-are-going-to-make-it-through-this-year-if-it-kills-us.html.

    In reflecting on my first semester of teaching I would like to reflect on the two aspects of my life at school that have affected me the most.  The first of these aspects is the school system and its culture: locally, state-wide, and nationally.  The second aspect that I will address is the students themselves.  I would like to make a serious distinction between these two because, in my opinion, they often operate in separate spheres.  The school system and all that it entails often appears to be doing all it can to prevent student success; throwing up anti-intellectual barriers such as state tests and an creating an unhealthy obsession with success "indicators" such as QDI.  Students, knowing nothing of QDI (nor possibly how to spell it), arrive at school, attend classes, and leave rarely conscious of the frameworks by which they are being evaluated.  Because of this, I will analyze these two separately as they have affected me rather differently.

   I have become so much more aware of the innerworkings of schools as well as the intangibles within a school system.  For example, is academic success acknowledged and/or rewarded from a young age, is learning greeted with a positive attitude, do teachers and administrators believe in and support their students.  These were all things that I took for granted growing up.  I never realized that students might feel as if teachers were there to make things more difficult nor that teachers would feel likewise about administrators and administrators about school boards or state departments of education. I have done a lot of thinking about my own personal schooling experience, what it was that shaped my feelings towards school in general (positive) and the advantages of having a cohesive school system that works together, and, most importantly, in the service of the students. 

   I have also been amazed at how quickly I have become normalized to things that I never would have thought I would find commonplace.  For example, I now do not bat an eye at the word "paddle" being used as a verb, not seeing one single brown bag in the cafeteria at lunch, being told that a high schooler reads at a middle school or even an elementary school level, and never assigning homework.  Simply coming up with this list was difficult as I have literally forgotten how my high school experience differed from this.  I am so grateful a) that I attended excellent public elementary and middle schools b) that I was able to experience private school and its advantages and disadvantages in college c) that I was able to experience a very different social and academic culture in New England for college and d) that can bring all of these different viewpoints to my current location.  Because it is so easy to become normalized to the situation in which you find yourself everyday it is an excellent tool to bring a diverse lens to the situation.  Basically, everything is relative and those students who are at the top of their class in one school are not comparable to students at the top of their class at another school.  I truly try to hold my students to somewhat "universal" standards but I know that I have the luxury of being able to do this because, teaching Spanish I, literally no prerequisite knowledge is required.
  
    Finally, my students have been one hundred percent full of surprises.  I really tried to come into the school year with no expectations but I could not help but have preconceived notions of my students' abilities, willingness to learn, and behavior.  I have been so pleased on all three of these fronts.  In spite of weak foundations my students are bright, generally engaged, and surprisingly easily excitable.  I am amazed at how much I really like most of my students.  When I say that I like them I mean that I enjoy having them in class but that I also respect them as people.  Not only that, but students complain every day about how much work we do in class.  It seems that every day I ignore the question, "When we havin' a free day?"  In spite of this, I have realized that more than work, students HATE to be bored.  As much as they beg for a free day they really are interested in learning- as long as they deem it somewhat "interesting" or possibly "cool".  As a young person I definitely have an advantage in that if I say that something isi interesting or cool then students will usually at least hear me out before rejecting something out of hand.  One of the other greatest complaints I constantly hear is about reading and how much the students "hate" reading.  I have found this to be an extreme fallacy; students merely hate being required to read.  Fortunately, my mother is a huge supporter of the US Postal Service and has shipped my dozens of my books from home which I have been allowing students to take home.  I have been shocked at how excited students are about reading books for pleasure. 

     I have been truly shocked at how much I have developed as a teacher over the past few months.  Most importantly, I have developed more in the past few months as a person, which, I guess, isi really the whole reason I'm here.

I have convinced some of my kids that I killed a bear with my bare hands. And I'm a little proud of myself.

While I do enjoy typing/facebooking on my free macbook as well as a scholarship to Ole Miss, undoubtedly the best part of Mississippi Teacher Corps is its participants. It is always refreshing to hear from my fellow corps members, and Pete Nelson’s class speech embodies the bittersweet experiences of teaching, studying and living with corps members in Mississippi. I can’t even imagine what this experience would be like if it weren’t for the MTC and TFAers with whom I vent, share stories, complain, swap favors, and drink margaritas.

In his speech, Pete Nelson discusses the forever-lingering questions “ is this all worth it?” Is leaving for work at 6:30 am, living 2000 miles away from home in the woods, and growing grey hairs for the sake of education all worth it? I don’t think I’m prepared to answer that question at this point. However, I will say that after going home for the first time, I have realized that this experience if anything is interesting. Ironically after waiting four long months to get a break from my students, it turns out that I spent most of that break thinking and talking about them.  I’ve become consumed with endless stories, jokes, and memories of my students that sound more like a Hollywood satire than a reality. It is not until you go home and talk to the people who know you best, that you realize how bizarre and surreal your life has become.

In addition to the story time with friends and family, over the break I decided to attend a History of Social Theory course with my friend who is still at U of T. I lasted about 15 minutes before I had to call it quits.  They were debating Durkheim’s sociology of religion and querying whether society was god, and I was debating whether or not to give my students extra credit. It is crazy to think that only 6 months ago I was a student, but my life has completely changed now.  As an equity studies major I spent four years in university mostly talking about making a difference. Yet now, as Pete points out, I am actually doing something, not just talking about it.  Is all my hard work actually making a difference? I think so.

I was like a lot of my students in high school. I never really wanted to work to my full potential and take advantage of all the resources available to me. I enjoyed my Spanish class, but I enjoyed cheerleading and hanging out with my friends even more. One of my Spanish teachers in particular always tried to push me, and expressed disappointment when I didn’t fully respond to her efforts. I had a growing interest in Cuba at the time, and as a Cuban exile, she made a conscious effort to share her experiences with me. It was not until I studied abroad in Cuba four years after taking her class, that I realized what an influence her teaching and stories had had on my trip and life.

My teacher fled Cuba when she was only 9 years old, and never returned thereafter. The Cuban government seized her family’s property over 50 years ago, and has been redistributing it ever since.  While I was in Havana, I went to her family’s former home to talk to the current homeowners and look around (they were Cuban, so of course they just let me right in). When I returned home, I shared the new family’s stories and gifts with my teacher.  It was in these emotional and powerful moments that I spent with my Spanish teacher, that I came to truly recognize and respect the central role that she and probably many other teachers have played in shaping my worldviews, opinions and life experiences.

As teachers we never know what sort of impact were having on our students’ lives. Unfortunately our success is not measurable or visible. If all I do is challenge one student to think in a new way, or inspire another student to make a change for the better, then yes, this will have all been worth it. 

In her speech about schools of education, Secretary of Education Anne Duncan discusses many of the challenges and rewards of teaching in today’s diverse and globalized society. Her speech primarily investigates the questionable role that schools of education play in preparing new teachers for these challenges.  Many of her remarks are reflected in my own personal experience as a teacher here in the Delta. 

Duncan argues that it takes a university to prepare a teacher.  However, as with many historical scholars who Duncan quotes, I too admittedly question whether good teachers are made or born. In my short teaching career, I have failed multiple times to effectively reach my students, and I wonder if this is the result of poor training or inexperience. On one hand, I agree with the three out of five ed school alum who feel as though “ they did not get the hands-on practical teacher training about managing the classroom that they needed, especially for high-needs students.”  There is no question that summer school training did not even closely mirror the strains and pains of managing a classroom of 25+ every period, every day, for a year.  I hate bitch and moan, but I received 0% training on how to teach Spanish prior to entering the classroom. Our program focuses so much on the disciplinary aspect of classroom management, that basic things like student attendance, monitoring student progress and actual quality teaching were overlooked.

On the other hand, I feel as though teaching may just be something that is learned through experience. Although I continue to struggle, I noticeably improve everyday as a teacher.  I am slowly beginning to understand my students, the faculty and the community in which I teach. It’s essentially been a process of trial and error. I’ve learned to always listen to advice, but not always take it.  What works in one classroom may not work in another. Also, teaching is unlike most other academic disciplines in that it is a performance based skill. One’s ability to think critically, knowledge of the subject content, organizational skills and so on does not indicate how successful they will be as a teacher. Some of my best-written lesson plans turned out to be a catastrophe, whereas some of my on the spot ideas have proven most effective.

Duncan makes a strong argument for reforming schools of education in her speech. However, I am still uncertain of the role the schools of ed. even play in preparing quality teachers. What I do know however, as both a teacher and student, is that education bears its fruit long after the seed has been planted. 

  Sir Ken Robinson defines creativity as “the process of having original ideas that create value”. He reiterates that it is a process and not a random act of inspiration, and that it needs to prove its worth. He points out that creativity is not the opposite to formality – instead a mixture of discipline and space to innovate are required. Robinson contends that “creativity is as important as literacy and should be treated as such.” Our schools are currently designed, like he said, in a hierarchy, in which specific skills, namely math and languages, are valued over others.
 Sir Robinson mentioned a couple reasons why having this hierarchy is ridiculous:

• The purpose of education shouldn't be to get into college.

• Believe in high standards does not mean education has to be standardized.

• We don't need to reform education -- we need to transform it.

• Creativity is a part of not apart from intelligence.

• We don't grow in to creativity, we get educated out of it.                                                                                                                                                                                                         One of the reasons why an academic hierarchy is ultimately futile is because people cannot accurately assign value to skills that may or may not be valuable in 30, 20, or even 10 years. If we cannot accurately assess what skills children will need for the future- how can we place a value or emphasis on any particular skill now?                                         Sir Robinson further ridiculed the stress we place on children to be right and not make mistakes. Children, and people in general, need to be willing to make mistakes in order to create an innovation. In fact, some of the most well-known products (penicillin, coca-cola, etc) are the results of what was initially a 'mistake.' This all-out rejection of mistakes stifles creativity, perhaps, more than any one factor in our schools and in society.                                                                                                                                                                          
  

By finding new ways to praise children’s efforts and ideas, and less ways to assess them on their mistakes, we will embrace the initiative to rethink the fundamental ways we educate children in the context of their endlessly, vast capabilities.